The ones who love without being loved back part I.

My mom just shared with me the most heartbreaking thing. She asked me, "Dulce, have you ever dreamed of being with the person you're in-love with but it's only you displaying affection?". I replyed I had had similar dreams. I then told her she subconsciously feels she is not loved in return from a present or previous lover. My mom is 44 and has been with the same man for 10 years. They are not perfect and are constantly fighting to say the least. If you however put them under a horoscope chart they are the perfect match. Now what ran through my mind as she was sharing this with me is how many people on the planet are living in this subconcious fear? And for what purpose do they stay with the ones they "love" if it doesn't make them feel good being with their significant other? But I guess this is what scares me to. And why I possibly never open up to guys. Or anyone in general. Its that fear of not being loved in return.

A little update.

Hello.

It's been a while since I've written.
As you can tell my last posts have been about my on-and-off ex-boyfriend (currently).

As I predicted in a previous post, he's back.

But not with me. I feel like I've finally moved on from that chapter in my life (after 2 & a half yrs.)

I've been doing nothing more than trying to get by. I have my good days and bad days.

Just a couple days ago my friend past away. An old schoolmate/foster-sister. We weren't close to say I talked to her everyday but I have my fair share of memories with her. She was a beautiful soul. One of the nicest people I've ever met.


I don't know when I'll come to write again, but I'll leave you (whoever is reading) with this --- don't wait for life, and don't makeup some idea in your head castles are going to build themselves from the ground for you. That is not life. And we are where we are for a reason, whether you happen to be $2 broke at a 7eleven figuring out what the hell you're going to do with your life or enjoying your time at home doing nothing but watching your favorite TV show. Life is not to be rushed, taken for granted, or passed up. Enjoy it. Indulge in it. Look for the beauty and you will feel the change.

what i'd been longing to say

we'd lost it in small doses
i saw our love fall in and out like pedals of roses
there's always the little things i would remember
hoping that you would too.
i remember wanting you to hold me a little more,
kiss me a little longer,
and love me so sweet we wouldn't need words or actions to prove the existence of our love.
we became really spiteful.
really turned on each other - hated each other - for all the wrong reasons.
i guess we said the things and did the things we did to each other, really, because we didn't care anymore.
we just stopped caring.
we were so righteous.
 and we were young.
we really don't know how to even sustain ourselves
and then yet to do so seriously with someone else.
we were destructive, reckless and careless with our emotions.
and i'm sorry our relationship had to take a weight on us.

mi carta de amor seudo

siento que aun que te has ido yo siempre te acordare siempre acordare como me besabas como te gustaba verme reir y yo ver a ti reir aunque se que tu no estabas completamente enamorado de mi siempre te guardare un lugar especial en mi corazon aun que te marchaste de mi vida abandonandome con los ultimos palabras que nunca me dejastes guardare solos mis fantasias de tu queriendo estar conmigo compartiendolos con la luna cada noche que me acuerdo de ti guarde esto, mi carino yo siempre te amare

Feeling better.

And, surprisingly, it's all paying off.
Little by little.
I'll be fine.
And everything will be okay.

For Women Who Are Difficult To Love.

Can I still...

... be like who I was again? Am I changing just to be a little better? Cause I feel worse than ever before. Nothing to hold on to, just days to chase after, dreams to be ceased, and feelings to be put at ease. Can I still be like who I was again? I miss being happy even if I didn't have a friend.